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Friday, April 8, 2011

Someone asked me, "do you still cry at the atrocious things you see or over time become hardened to it?" ...

This was my reply to Lisa Tieni:

lisa...
i'm not sure my words will be helpful, but i will write from the heart, as i always do...
do i still cry?...
lisa,
everyday... without fail... i have seen things that would crumble a man in a second, i have smelt the death of wildlife, i have touched it, i have heard its sound, the sound of working maggots inside the body of a poached, faceless elephant...
there is no getting over it...
i have held dying animals, and i remember them all the time, i remember the tears they shed on my clothes, i remember the pain in their cries, in their eyes...
there is no getting over it...
i remember my ol'boy... George. my lion spirit, and best friend, i remember the day he was taken from me, they din't even call me, i didn't know... i never got to say goodbye... i was his only friend, his only company all those years in his rusty cage... i never got to tell him, it would all be ok, and he would be in a better place...
i never got to hold my ol'boy and wipe his tears, ease his fear...
when i got there, i was told, it took several shots to put him down, and they took him out "in pieces"...
there is no getting over it...
but, i live in his spirit every day.
i live in their memory everyday...
i live in a hope for their kind and their families, everyday...
i live in tears, but also in strength, from the love they gave me in their short time in my life.
and this, is enough for me.
i don't care about other people, yesterday, i was walking through town, crying inconsolably in cafe's with my friends, i dint care what everyone thought...
"60", deserves to be grieved for. she deserves to be remembered, and to be loved enough, that she is worth some tears...
so yes, i cry. but i NEVER lose focus of what i must do. i NEVER forget them, and i NEVER lose hope.
perhaps you will find my 2-day rule helpful.
when i feel REALLY sad, i give myself 2days. 2 days to cry it out, scream, whatever i need to "detox"...
then, i come back to the cause i have dedicated my life to, a cause i cannot walk out on, a cause i fight for until my final day, a cause i must win. and i'm stronger...
you feel hurt, because you CARE. and that raises you above other people higher than you know. never step down, you're closer to heaven than you think ;)
and heaven, is where they are... those we have loved, and lost...
God knows, i can't wait to see george again!... :')
Raabia

5 comments:

  1. I think you're wonderful and your two day rule is very smart.

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  2. You have a big heart..Keep doing the good work..May lord be with you in all your acts.

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  3. Wonderful, Raabia, wonderful.

    Please keep following your speaker's heart. It is SO, so important for us all here in Africa to have voices such as yours heard, long and hard!

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  4. How beautiful and moving. I agree with Zen, the two day rule is smart. Will apply it too.....

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  5. WOW! I admire the courage and strength you have, May Allah give you the determination to keep going, God knows we need many more like you.

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